How Much is Too Much?

I’ve come to find that there is such a thing as trying TOO hard to get over someone. If you try too much, you’ll only end up hurting yourself and usually other people too. Friends, family and co-workers will try to influence you in many decisions that you make after a break up. However, please remember to stay strong and that you are still in control of yourself. Your actions will still have consequences.

A work friend thought she was helping me move on and she tried to set me up with this guy that she used to work with. She gave him my phone number and informed me that he’d be texting me by the end of the day. The only reason I agreed to it at first was because I was upset about my ex boyfriend, and part of me wanted him to find out. I wanted him to hurt. You may or may not have felt this way before, but it’s not a good way to influence what you do.

About an hour after I got home from work, I got the text message from the guy. He was actually very sweet, kind and he seemed like a pretty sensitive guy too. I decided that I liked him as a person and that I might give him a shot, only to find out later that night that I wasn’t physically attracted to him at all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a shallow person what so ever. However, I am a strong believer that you have to be attracted to who you’re with in some way on every level. Later I realized how deep into conversation I was getting into with this guy and it really freaked me out.

I got really upset and I gradually tried to stop texting him. I told him that I’d just gotten out of a serious relationship and that I wasn’t going to be ready for anything for a VERY long time. The thought of being interested in someone else freaked me out and I couldn’t handle the fact that it wasn’t my ex boyfriend. I also felt really bad because the guy seemed to really like me; it was just too much and I couldn’t handle it. So the next day at work, I approached my friend and told her that I couldn’t talk to the guy anymore because it was too soon. She completely understood and tried to let him down easy for me.

I was starting to think I was okay again, until New Years Eve came around… New Years Day would have been my ex boyfriend and my two year anniversary so I already knew that the night was going to be hard for me. Surprisingly though, it really wasn’t too bad until the end of the night. I had decided to throw a last minute party so only seven people ended up coming. It was a blast. My best friend/roommate and her boyfriend, two of my other girl friends, one of my guy friends, my cousin and I were living it up even hours after the ball dropped.

My guy friend, however, was hitting on me a lot that night and since I’d had a lot to drink I was into it. By the end of the night it was time for him to leave so I walked him out to his car. I pulled him to me and we made out for a few minutes. I just remembered thinking that I wanted to feel something; any amount of passion to make myself feel better. Obviously after it was over, he got into his car and left, and I was left feeling lost and upset again. I came back inside and my friends laid with me while I cried. I let my friend know how sorry I was the next day for kissing him and making our friendship weird. Of course he didn’t mind too much.

Some days continue to be harder than others. I texted my ex boyfriend New Years Day and told him how much I missed him only to be ignored, which honestly, was probably for the best. The process of getting over someone is confusing, and the road is long and hard. I have done things that I never thought I’d do, I kissed someone and talked to someone for about two weeks, only to realize I was just using them so that maybe I’d feel better. My close friends have told me that it’s not a bad thing to want to feel something again. I just know I need to watch how I go about it.

After a break up, take it easy and go with the flow. If something great happens then that’s a really amazing thing, but if it doesn’t go your way for a while just know that it can only get better from here. Don’t try to hard to get over someone. Take your time, try to find peace and most importantly, learn to love yourself again.

“Sometimes one of our greatest struggles is between where we are and where we want to be.”


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