Getting It Back

That person who changed your life forever will always be there. They’ll keep a sacred part of you with them wherever they go for the rest of your life. You thought you’d never get over this person. You thought you’d always have to see him or keep tabs on him in order for you to remain balanced, to be okay. However, as time started to pass, as your life began to alter and turn up-side-down, you realized something. You don’t need him to love you, or like you; you don’t even need him to see you happy with someone else. It was inside of you the whole time, you just needed to find yourself again. You needed to find the activities that made you happy again, and do the things that you wanted to do, make the mistakes that you chose to make…

I did a lot of things I never thought I’d do when my first love left me. I started drinking alcohol more often than not during the week, whether I was with someone or alone. I stopped eating as much and when no one was around I took caffeinated diet pills without a meal afterwards. I would go hours at work jittering and  rapidly breathing. I started smoking. I kissed and dated people that were nothing like what I wanted, I just wanted to feel something…..anything at all. I failed every class my first semester at a four year university. I messed up a lot. I was really depressed and I didn’t care about anything. But even though my life seemed screwed up beyond repair, I slowly became stronger; and surly enough I realized that I didn’t need anyone, anything or any drug to make me happy. All I needed was myself.

I made a lot of new friends at work, mostly after he left me. I got promoted so people seemed to take more notice of me. Some of my new friends were great, a few of them wanted to hurt me and weren’t true, and  one of them took me by complete surprise. After falling out of love, I didn’t think anything could be scarier. But I was wrong. After knowing what it’s like and experiencing it to its fullest, there’s nothing more terrifying than starting to love someone else and putting yourself back into that same position all over again. I was slowly falling back in love with someone new and exciting. He was unlike any other person I’d ever met or been with in the past. But I was terrified. I barely got through one heart break, and my new love was my best friend, I knew I couldn’t handle losing another.

Slowly but surly I gained the confidence to go for it with this new and incredible man. He treats me like gold everyday and he makes me feel safe and at home like no one else has. Just when I thought my world was crashing down around me he swooped in and helped me put the pieces back together. Life isn’t perfect, but with a little help from your friends, and a lot of help from yourself, healing is possible. And what’s behind the next door is always better than you expected.

“One day someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.”


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