I wonder what you see when look at me with those dark, intense, brown eyes. Do you see the friendship that came and went? Do you see betrayal? Do you see the real me? Do you see him? I never wanted to hurt you, just like I never wanted to be hurt. I trusted you with my secrets, I gave you my friendship to hold on to and you clung to it for dear life. You came to me with every problem you had, especially about him… He wasn’t right for you from the beginning, but like all little girls once did, you still believed in fairy tales. This one, however, was never meant to come true. The pointless altercations never ceased with you two. You would come to me and I would go to him, and he would come to me and I back to you… It was a roller coaster and I was stuck in the middle of the ride. I was fighting to get off but you clung to me for dear life. You were forcing something to work with him that just wasn’t there, he was trying so hard at first, but in your eyes he always failed.
As you continued to push him away he and I were pushed together. He was my companion, my shoulder to cry on when I was feeling sad. He was the needle and thread sewing up my wounded heart, and all I found myself thinking about was what if the two of you fell apart. I was so conflicted and I cried every day, because you were a close friend and so was he, but you two were together so I decided to stay away. As I distanced myself you just yanked me closer and closer; throwing me in the midst of your problems hoping I was the magic touch. But what you didn’t realize is that I was in love with him and I don’t think you were. You finally decided to leave him, but then he left you first, leaving you feeling defeated so you turned me into a slut. Dirty rumors about him and me spread up and down, far and wide, but really he was my friend and I needed him more than you. I never wanted to hurt you but you pushed me away so far, I would’ve never ended up with him, had you wanted him from the start. You treated him horribly and belittled him in every way, while I was in the background becoming a loyal friend.
I wanted to talk to you and even make amends, but the rumors grew as did your hatred so I couldn’t try anymore. I got angry and resentment settled in, I vowed that I’d apologize but we couldn’t ever be friends again. There was equal blame to go around but now that we weren’t friends there was nothing stopping me from wanting him. He’s the only one to ever treat me with utmost respect, I was his best friend and he was mine and it only grew from there. His presence caused me to forget about everything wrong in my life, it was just him and me and finally I was at ease.
So I’m sorry it didn’t work out with you and me, but I wish you nothing but peace. Even though we are no longer friends I root for you from afar, I hope you find someone who meets your needs; someone who will fight with you but never ever leave. I hope you find love like I have; and I thank you for giving up on him, because without him I’d be incomplete. Even though he was meant to be with me, I know there’s someone out that you are intended to be with.
“You have to let people go. Everyone who is in your life is meant to be in your journey, but not all of them are meant to stay until the end.”