The Letter that Will Never be Read

You might not read this but I figured if you ever cared for me even a little you’ll take some time out of your day to read what I have to say to you. If not, then at least I’ll never have to know and I’ll feel better. So, since the last time we spoke I’ve gone through many mixed emotions when it’s come to you. People have come up to me at work and have told me questionable things about you, things that I really wish I never had to know if I’m being honest. When you called me on the phone that day and yelled at me about the “rumors” that were being spread about you coming to the apartment and talking to me everyday, that’s when I knew that I was your backup plan. Because they weren’t rumors at all, it was the simple truth. I was the one you were going to come back to if everything fell apart in your new life. I wanted to be there for you if you needed me, but I also have to look out for myself. I’m no ones second choice, and I don’t plan on lowering the bar now just because I cared for you. Now that I’ve come to my own conclusion about who you are as a man, you may be happy or sad to know that I’m over you. I’m over the person that you actually are that is. I’m over the liar, the possible cheater and the fraud. Who I’m not over is the fictitious character that I fell in love with. I’m not over the man that was my best friend, the man that I trusted with my whole heart, the man I thought would never dream of lying to me or hurting me. I somehow have still managed to blame myself because I let myself believe every lie you ever told me. But the more I think about it, the more I’ve started to realize that I shouldn’t hate myself for believing something that someone who’s supposed to care about me is telling me. After the night that I was told you cheated on me, I had to put myself back together and make a decision. I decided to take a leap of faith and believe in you. But when I most recently heard that you didn’t even get your degree? I began to question everything that I ever thought was real about us. The sad thing is, you could’ve grown up homeless in a box and never even gone to school in your life and I would’ve loved you just the same if you would’ve just been honest with me from the beginning. You could’ve told me the truth, about ANYTHING that you lied to me about and I promise you.. I wouldn’t have loved you any less. But after knowing for a fact that you lied to everyone about something as little as your age, to something as big as graduating from a university.. I find myself questioning anything you’ve ever told me. And it kills me. I was always there for you, I was honest with you about EVERYTHING in my life and I never did anything to deserve what you put me through. It might’ve all been a game to you or maybe you did love me for a little bit, or maybe I was good for your ego or something, but it was very real to me. As for you and Her. I’m not sure when that started, (and like I said I may not ever know) but I hope you realize how it’s most likely going to turn out if the foundation you’ve built with her is anything like how you went about it with me. Believe it or not I do wish you a happy life but it won’t be that way if you continue to do this to the people you say you care for. Maybe someday you’ll think back to all that I did for you and all the support I gave you and you’ll finally realize that you took a good person for granted. And though I know you’re not the one for me, someone like me is definitely the one for you. Someday I can only hope that you understand the pain that you’ve caused me and maybe people from your past too, because even though it’s going to take me a very long time to forgive you, I know I will and I know that I’ll be okay. Because that’s the kind of person I am; I loved you, so I know in my heart that I’ll be at peace with you someday. I hope that you can find peace within you as well. I want you to know that even though I feel hate for you right now, I pray about it everyday. I pray for you to be okay, for you to find whatever it is you’re looking for hiding behind all of the secrets. I also pray that one day we might even be past the point of anger and silence and that maybe we can talk truthfully with one another without hostility. If you ever decide that that day has come for you, of course you can call me. Until then, we should probably limit conversation to bills and work related conversation. It’s also become clear to me that you haven’t been staying at your parents house either, because when I saw your mom she mentioned that she never saw you anymore, which is strange seeing as you’ve been paying them rent? Regardless, maybe you should consider telling me the truth about something because it’s overdue. You wouldn’t have been such a disappointment for me if you would’ve just been yourself from the beginning, even if you didn’t like the person you were maybe someone else would.. but now we’ll never know. And if you’re thinking I wrote this letter hoping that you’d make a dramatic change and come back, then you’re wrong. I simply wrote it to let you know how I felt and to show that the truth will always come out. I do however, hope that this letter might open your eyes and encourage you to be better for someone else in the future. 

“Sometimes you get the best light from burning a bridge.” -Don Henley

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